The Silence is Deafening ..

Since my youngest started school last year, the house has been devoid of the noise he usually makes.  During the day when he is at school  I have left the television off, and for those that know me, thats not my normal routine. I have been known to always have some kind of background noise going, whether it is music or the television. I was never comfortable for many years in the silence, with or without my hearing devices on. Silence scared me, and I took comfort in being able to hear things around me.

In part, a major reason was to an attempt to reduce the amount of electronics used during the day, however I also had a different reason to do so. After five years of taking care of my youngest day in, day out, with constant noise of some kind, I felt a need to devoid myself of sound as much as I could.  So his being in school for ten months of the year allowed me to reduce the noise.

After a year and a half of this, the silence is deafening and yet welcomed after each weekend, and after the school breaks in March, the summer, and December.  Still, I seem to be choosing to not to wear my devices during the day when he is in school, which does of course add to the silence. When I have my headaches, being able to do so helps tremendously in treating the pain, whereas before I would have to wait  until my partner was home from work to retreat to the darkness and quiet of our bedroom.

How do I feel now about the quietness of my home when it is just me? In truth, I am revelling in it more than I once did. I choose not to hear during the day more often than not. My surgery was nearly five years ago, and afterwards I grieved the loss of the residual hearing in the implanted ear. The knowledge that I would never pick up any sounds out of that ear scared me tremendously. Knowing that it would happen did not prepare me for the psychological impact it had on me. Does my newfound acceptance and enjoyment of the silence mean that I am happier not hearing out of that ear? I don’t know. I also don’t know if this means that I am beginning to prefer being deaf, rather than having access to hearing constantly. Or could it simple be because our world is filled with too much sound that is man made, and I am desiring a little more control over how much of that noise I allow into my life now?

As for sleeping at night, am I comfortable with the lack of hearing now? Honestly, the only times I am is when my partner is home, or when my two elder children are with us. I now have an alarm clock that will alert me when the smoke detectors go off. That has definitely eased my concerns about our safety when there is a fire. Still, I am aware that my concerns about my safety will never be completely satisfied.

I will admit that some weekends, I long for the silence the entire weekend, and feel a sense of relief when Monday comes, and he is off on the bus to school. It may only be 6 hours of the day, but those six hours have come to be my favourite parts of the day. When I can choose to have noise or silence around me. Today, I chose silence. Today, the silence is deafening, and I am happy about it.


Two Years is TOO Long

I haven’t written in two years.. I am not sure why that is really, although I think truthfully, it has been because not much has changed for me the past two years and therefore I was not inspired to write about my trials with my hearing and communication issues.

I have not been wearing it as much as I should be. I have noticed that I have chosen to turn down the volume settings because every time I wear it, I develop a severe headache from the overload, which occurs even when I have worn it consistently. My tolerance or intolerance for certain sounds remain the same. I still loathe the sound of the toilet flushing or running water in the sink.

I am approaching my five year anniversary of the surgery, and while I still have no regrets about my decision to have the surgery, I am still feeling that loss of the residual hearing in that ear. I intend to follow up with my team, and begin looking into upgrading my processor, in the hopes that having a BTE processor will ensure that I wear it more. I still love my Neptune processor, however the need to wear it has not been strong, particularly since my son is now in school full days.

Communication with others is roughly the same, although I still struggle with my youngest child who is now 5.5 years old. He still does not speak clearly and is in speech therapy through the school. We have had many challenges the past two years, and he has been increasingly frustrated with me and my lack of comprehension when he talks to me. The resulting issue is we are dealing with behaviours on his part, which are not appropriate and yet normal for his age. Suffice it to say I am still struggling to get him to  understand what I need from him to ease our communication.  Without his siblings and father modelling those communication accommodations enough, it is difficult for him to learn to accommodate my communication needs.  A children’s book dealing with this topic is still swirling in my head, and I am close to putting it to paper now.

The job hunt has been disastrous the last five years and I continue to seek part time employment until my son is old enough to be left alone. Recently though, I have just volunteered to write for the Kingston Free Press, which I hope will fulfil some of my need for structure and and a mental outlet for some restlessness I have been feeling.  I hope also, it will allow me to grow as a writer and inspire me to return to the blog, and write some books.

Life is more or less the same as it has been the past two years, however, change is coming as this year my oldest will begin to learn to drive, my middle child will be in Grade 7 in the fall, and my youngest will graduate Kindergarten this June. I am looking forward to these events even while I mourn the fact that my children are growing up more quickly than I want them to.

I am pleased to see the site is still getting visitors and I hope I can increase the numbers again. Please keep visiting and sharing the site, and I will try to write much more often.



Shouldn’t I…?

After 2.5 years….

Shouldn’t I

Be used to certain sounds by now? There are some sounds that still irritate me..

— the sound of the toilet flushing
— the sound of Velcro peeling off
— the sound of some of my son’s cars rolling on the floor, the pullback variety
— the sound of running water and showers

Some of these sounds are not pleasant to me, now that I can hear the higher frequencies better. Hopefully that will change one day, but for now, I continue to shudder and wince at some sounds.

Shouldn’t I…

Be able to consistently hear and understand speech with noise, without lipreading more than I could before? Well depends on the day, if I’m tired or sick, not a chance. If it’s really loud, not a chance. In other cases, it’s my mapping that needs adjusting, which it does now. I don’t think it will ever be consistent, but it’s definitely better than it was pre-implant.

Shouldn’t i …

Be wearing it more than I do? Yes. Unfortunately I’ve had a crap ton of headaches and migraines in the last month due to the freaky weather systems we’ve been having. Doesn’t make me want to wear the processor, because the added sounds, aggravate no worsen the headaches. And yes, it impeded my progress, no ability to go to AVT. It’s also affected my workouts as I don’t want to move much. A side benefit is I think my lip reading skills have gotten back on track so that’s a silver lining. I can lip read my youngest better and he’s learned to get my attention better. I was trying to teach him mommy always needs him to get her attention first. So another silver lining.


He be potty trained by now? Oh wait we were talking about me.. Um well… Never mind then..

Shouldn’t I…

Write more? Yes, but somehow my three and half year old seems to keep me busy! He will be in school in a scant few months…so that will be helpful for writing, working out, building my Beachbody and Primerica businesses.. And practising my AVT…

I am not waiting until then to do those things, but it will be much easier to juggle them. I am looking forward to getting a few hours to myself daily!

Shouldn’t you be …. ?

Getting healthier?

Getting your financial affairs in order?
If in the areas of Carleton Place to Belleville Ontario,
contact me through the above Contact Me link..

Shouldn’t you be practising your AVT?

my AVT page

Shouldn’t we all make life changes to improve our lives?

Don’t Call Me, Maybe

I had a phone call today from my oldest’s school. They were calling to arrange a parent teacher meeting.. Unfortunately I couldn’t understand a word, and while one might think I slipped in progress regarding the phone, I haven’t, at least, not as yet.

It seems switching from a Samsung to the iPhone probably wasn’t a good move, as there didn’t seem much volume even with the speaker phone on. However, I had been feeling that my current programs need tweaking and as I haven’t been mapped since last March, it’s entirely probable that I’ve acclimated to them.

Suffice it to say, I had to get help, and was worried about why they had phoned. It wasn’t an emergency, but it has me thinking that, I really need to have people understand, that if it isn’t an emergency, to use email. Fortunately my friends and family use all manner of text media to reach me. My family Dr will email me after I call, and in many cases, if I ask, places will oblige.

It had me concerned about when my youngest starts school in the fall and what to do should he needs picking up. I registered him for Junior Kindergarten today on the board website. Along the way I discovered I could register for a new accommodation for parents, called the Family Room. This allows parents to get messages via texts, email, etc. I already follow the board and our school on social media, which is one way to keep apprised of things like school closures and bus cancellations. I thought this was an amazing feature offered by the school board and it alleviated some concerns I have. I will still ensure the school personally knows that I am Deaf, and to use email when possible, just to alleviate stress on myself.

I have nine months until he starts school, which I guess means I need to find a solution to the phone issue. I don’t have Bluetooth capability with my Neptune, and my hearing aid, which does, is now kaput.. Joy. And I have had calls and voice messages and I cannot hear or understand any of them. Needless to say I am frustrated.

However it does not mean I regret the switch to the IPhone 6, at all, in fact far from it. It allows me to use some of the apps I have been using for my AVT, and I hope that in using them on the phone, I’ll be able to use the phone in the end. When will I achieve my goal of at least 90% comprehension on the phone? Who knows, but I will get there. Eventually. Maybe. Someday. Whenever it happens. In the future. You get the drift…right?

In the meantime, Don’t Call Me, Maybe…… Instead, Email or text me 🙂

2014 in Review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 9,500 times in 2014. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Fitness Challenges for a Deaf Individual

One of the biggest challenges for me in getting fit and staying fit was keeping interested. That, and being able to follow a program or instructor. I’m not one to go jogging alone (scares the crap out of me safety-wise). Plus walks and jogging bore me. I love soccer, so I play and coach as much as I can. But what do I do in the winter or when it’s raining? Plus I like variety in activity but I’ve gotta LOVE it too. I need to be HOOKED to stick with something.

I’ve never been able to follow classes because even being up front, the music and the bouncing movement of the instructor makes lip reading and hearing the commands impossible.

I’ve tried the yoga and Pilates DVDs and classes. I love both, but then the issue becomes being able to see and understand the instructor while doing downward dog. Craning your neck and looking up is difficult plus it defeats the whole purpose of downward dog or warrior pose. So of course I bagged that route, which really isn’t good for my mental health as yoga is good for that.

Then I watched a friend go through two pregnancies while doing Les Mills Pump, and become a certified instructor in it. She is petite like me and at times also had weight issues. Now, after four babies she has a body I’d kill for. Her trick: Shakeology and Les Mills Pump program. She believes in it so strongly that her pictures, and enthusiasm for it got my attention.

I ordered Les Mills Pump and Combat and quickly became HOOKED on Pump. (Combat I just received and haven’t started yet). Then I joined Beachbody under her to be a coach. Of course, I wish to gain income from this, but I believe in the program (unfortunately Beachbody will not be carrying these products So while supplies last, they are on sale) so I decided to become a coach.

As a deaf person I really need to be able to understand and follow instructions and this program allows me to do that. I’m so happy and excited that I have something that I look forward to doing.

When you rely on lip reading or signing, it really makes it hard to find things that you enjoy and can stick with to have an active lifestyle and a healthy one without having to do things on your own.

So if you’re reading this and feeling as frustrated as I was in finding an exercise program, this is it. I promise!

My Facebook post today:
I am so excited to resume my Les Mills Pump today. Migraine is FINALLY gone. A week not doing this was chafing me and i have missed it. That’s pretty cool to me. I’m still starting a challenge group starting next week why not go to and check out the fitness programs and Shakeology and ultimate reset programs? Join me in revolutionizing our lives for the better. Resolutions are for pansies, REVOLUTION is where it’s at!

Connect to me through my contact link on the right and I will add you to my Facebook and challenge group.

Revolution not Resolutions

Instead of a making a resolution for health and fitness, why not start a REVOLUTION for overall health, fitness and well being?

Les Mills Pump and Les Mills Combat are on sale right now, and while quantities last.

I am making my own REVOLUTION of fitness, health and well being. (Includes financial, ask me how!)

I’m also going to work harder on my AVT In the New Year. I’ve had much progress, but I’m really needing to increase my ability to,use the phone again. I believe this will help me find a job, and I need to build that confidence up.

After two years I am still seeking employment, and becoming increasingly frustrated. I have much to offer and yet no calls for interview. In fact I’ve averaged two interviews per year since I lost my job. It BLOWS. I’m not not the only one seeking work, and more recently friends have lost their jobs just mere days before Christmas.

I ended up Joining Primerica and becoming life licensed, and will soon get my securities license. I need to build my clientele, and am seeking clients where I live. ( if you’re in south eastern ontario, you can message me through my contact me page).

I also joined Beachbody because I believe in their products, and for accountability on my own fitness and health. If I make money at the same time, that’s a bonus!

So how are you going to revolutionize your life?


We all make them yearly. To quit smoking, drinking, get healthy by losing weight and so on.. I decided to jumpstart mine.

I have three:

1. To get healthy.
2. Work harder on my AVT and rehabilitation
3. To develop self sustaining income Through: BeachBody (I can sponsor anyone in Canada or United States ) and Primerica (in Ontario only)

I’ve already started working on #1&3.

I recently began Les Mills Pump, through Beachbody. After Four days I am already hooked. I love this program already. The best part: all the DVDs are SUBTITLED! Which really helps me a lot, and they’re so easy to follow.
So I decided to become a Coach. To see what BeachBody is about, you can go to

I wear the Neptune Processor while doing Les Mills and have had no issues with it coming off or interfering in any of the exercises. So far anyway.

As for #2, I am working on it. However I do wear the processor daily and am finding it getting easier to understand my three year old, who is still developing his speech.

So why not jumpstart your own revolutions?!


Gotta say.. This is the longest I’ve stuck with a program in a row. Makes me sad that Les Mills Pump didn’t renew contract with BeachBody.

So if you don’t want to miss out on this great program and offer while supplies last:

Go to shop: and Fitness Programs, select Les Mills, there is the Pump and Combat .. Get them now, as they’re 40% off right now!


I haven’t been to my AVT sessions since July. Many things have gotten in the way including car repairs, and a family medical emergency. However I have worn my processor fairly consistently, and with working on my son’s speech therapy homework the past three months, I’ve learned to pick up his mistakes. I can tell when a sound is missing, or what he is trying to say. He made great strides and I feel confident he will continue on this path he is on.

I’m resuming my sessions this Friday, and I’m excited to see whether I’ve progressed since my last appointment.

We are in a countdown towards Christmas and I’ve nearly finished my shopping, yay! I’m so excited!

Long Overdue Mini Update

I haven’t written for some time. Since the spring I’ve been busy coaching soccer, enjoying the summer, and entering a new venture with Primerica. I also am a volunteer liaison for a company and working on a charity soccer tournament in my local town.

I am still doing my AVT, and learned some interesting things at my last appointment in July. That while I can hear the F sound, it seems as if I can’t because my brain lipreads it better than an S, and therefore doesn’t really seem to register the sound. It was puzzling as I can pick up the S sound no problem. Still working on these high frequency sounds, but I’m making good progress and hope to resume AVT next month. Meanwhile I practice on my iPad a few times a week still.

We had a medical crisis in our family last month, and we are all still adjusting. It was a heartbreaking time for me as a parent. It did however prompt me to order a medic alert bracelet, as pictured here:



Don’t wait! There tons of different sites with different options and affordability.

My youngest is in a speech language group, that he started late September. Since then, he has exploded in vocabulary, and finally speaks more three and four word sentences. Still some work he needs to do, but we are so thrilled with his progress. Myself, I’m understanding him much more easily now, even when I don’t have my processor on.

To those still following and reading and sharing, thank you. I’ll try to do better with my posts.