Thoughts..

I have not really been thinking much about my surgery the past few days. It’s been eclipsed by nearly losing my husband in a motor vehicle accident on March 29. I’ve been thinking about how grateful I am that he is ok, and enjoying our son. Tonight though, I have realized that I have 22 more sleeps to go. That is just three weeks.. OMG. I want my house cleaned and organized. I want the whole business from the accident dealt with by then. I want to spend my time with my son before others take over his care and me for a week or so while I recover and for the day of the surgery. My recovery scares me, since I have no idea how I will feel. Will I be able to look after my son at all? Will he be ok with family and friends looking after him even if I am in the same room, without freaking out from separation or stranger anxiety? WIll I be able to help others care for him, to know what he needs, how do I do this without being a control freak, worry wart? What happens when I am sleeping due to the medication and recovery and he is unhappy because he wants me or his Daddy who will be working. The surgery itself scares me. My recovery is what worries me most. WIll I be able to cope not hearing him the same way I do now. What happens at night when his Daddy needs to sleep because he has to get up at 430 am for work, and I cannot because I am recovering. It is hard not to worry about this, but I know that after my April 11 pre-surgery appointment, I will have a better idea of what I/we need during the recovery period and the day of the surgery and then my friends and family can let us know how and when they can help. A schedule will be set up I suppose. I guess I should have a log book of some kind to help them out with my son.Too many things to think about! 

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