Two years ago today I was preparing for my surgery and utterly petrified. My parents and brother in law were coming to help with my son who was nine months old. We had just transferred him to the crib in his room to get him used to his own space. He is now almost three months away from his third birthday and growing up too quickly for us. My hopes two years ago were that the surgery was successful, with no problems and that my recovery would be relatively uneventful.
That night though, my thoughts were turbulent, and full of fear and doubts. What if something wrong? What if the implant didn’t work at activation? What if I didn’t gain the hearing that I wanted and needed? What if….. What if… What…. What… I don’t know if I can do this… Maybe I should wait.. I’m not ready.. Am I doing the right thing? After over a year of waiting the last night was agony and endlessly long. I slept, but it wasn’t quality sleep.
So today, on the Eve of my two year surgery date, my thoughts drift to the memories of that day, and night as I prepared. During the day it was easy to hold my fears at bay, because I was busy cleaning, preparing for my parents to stay, and for my brother in law. Ensuring there was food, instructions on the care of my son, and spending as much time with him as I could, trying not to stress over the knowledge he wouldn’t see much of me for the first week as I recovered.
The feelings I had that day are normal for anyone undergoing major surgery, and a life changing one at that. I had so much support leading up to the surgery and after, that I was overwhelmed by it. Friends and family cheered me on, validated my feelings and offered cyber-hugs which comforted me as I read the messages.
So as I gather my thoughts together for writing my two year anniversary post tomorrow, it is hard not to feel emotional as I think back to that week.